Leaves are green.

No! Really? I thought they were pink with yellow polka dots…

 

This week has had its ups and downs, which is OK if they are normal little ups and downs but not ok if there are more downs than ups and the downs are DOWNS and not downs.

From Sunday: I had a hugely productive, satisfying weekend, because I set myself goals, but little ones. I met every single one of them. So I felt productive, and because I felt productive, I felt satisfied. Sunday was also the day for SWC final, so I watched the closing ceremony. Now, I haven't been exactly supportive of the WC – it took me a while to warm to the fact that it was even being hosted in my country (traffic was a nightmare), but eventually I watched a few games. During the closing ceremony, I had goose bumps on my entire body. I felt so proud that my country could pull off a closing event that was so spectacular. Maybe I was biased because they had elephant “puppets”, which were really really well done, or the fact that the light projection was absolutely amazing, but I was really wowed by the show that we put on, and the fact that we pulled it off :) If you didn't see the show, I'm sure you can find a copy of it on YouTube.

In case my last few blog posts haven't been obvious, I haven't been my usual chipper self lately. Part of it is because in my life, everything goes wrong at the same time. Some of it is a bit too private to share on this blog, some of it is just mundane and thus too boring to put on this blog, but the stuff about varsity life I can…

For a few weeks, I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Staff Member Responsible for assigning Teaching Assistant duties. I worked my ass off in the beginning of the year, just so that I wouldn't have to do these duties in the second half. But I was still assigned, and the relevant staff member had scuttled off to America on holiday, only to return this week (when the term started). She didn't respond to emails either. So, when I explained the situation (nicely, of course), she told me to find a replacement… So I did, but then the replacement let me down at short notice. So I went back to SMR to tell her, and she told me that I’d have to do the lab for this week (from next week, there is no way on hell I'm TAing…). So I did it today (grumbling all the way, of course), but I realised that I actually really do like TAing, even if its just because I can say really strange stuff and they have to listen to me. Which is fun. And I can draw and write on the blackboard (they totally are mutually exclusive), and they get to think that I’m weird, because I talk about stroking plants and stuff (or something to that effect). Mostly its just to get them relatively ok with the fact that plants aren’t just blobs of green stuff, and can be cool, if you allow you mind to let you think that…

Oh, the post title comes from one of my favourite things to say to undergrads about annotating their drawings (i.e., if they annotate a label showing a leaf with “green”, I WILL write No! Really? I thought they were pink with yellow polka dots!)

Trust!

I have always had issues with that gigantic thing called “trust”. Probably because I have been hurt so many time by people who were close to me. From family doing the whole “teasing a shy girl will make her less shy” routine (it only made it worse, until I grew up enough to tease back) to friends in school sharing confidences, turning on me or worse.

So, understandably, I’m not entirely comfortable trusting people. Even close friends, who have never given me a reason to distrust them. Once my trust is broken by a person, good and proper, I find it exceptionally difficult to ever confide in them again – to which some people will testify even today. So, in the spirit of sharing bad poetry (I have no idea where that sentence came out from)…

Fragile, porcelain Trust

Shatters

On cold, hard Life

Fine shards never fit back into place

Partly fixed?

Partly whole?

Can Trust ever be truly absolute again?

Wholly restored, like a broken vase?

They say

Time

Is the best healer

Anyone else feel similarly about trust?

Unhappy times.

Right now I'm not a very happy person (in fact, its 2.45am, I've been awake since 1am, and I cant get back to sleep...). I'm hoping that blogging will help!

On my mind:

• My Msc. Its not going too well at the moment, and I'm very stressed out. More so today (actually yesterday), because one of my pieces of equipment shattered into roughly 10 000 000 pieces, and I'll have to get another one made.
• Ill have to start recording another experiment in the meantime. This means that Ill have to try and fine-tune EXACTLY what I'm going to do, plan for the worst possible scenario, and then expect that the worst WILL happen (inevitably, in this project, it really will...).
• I haven't been scoring data like the machine that I should be. This past weekend, I worked late on Friday, did a few hours on Saturday, and nothing on Sunday. And nothing today either.
• I'm worried about my brother, although it has been totally awesome to have my "normal" brother back!
• My parents - I fought with my dad over a relatively minor issue yesterday. I hate fighting. And my mom is questioning my relationship with KCB, which brings me to my next point...
• KCB. Maybe I'm just way too stressed out so that every minor thing is a huge one, but I'm not coping too well even being in a relationship right now! Things like "he isn't treating me right cos he didn't pick me up to go to that wedding" (Thanks for that one, mom), to "he knows I'm super stressed out, why doesn't he frikkin phone instead of gchat?". In retrospect, I'd probably deal with all of the issues a whole lot better if I was calm and rational. Instead, in my head they are all blown up to these humongous things, to the point where, when I was tossing and turning earlier, I just wanted to call everything off.
• I just want a holiday. And to cry. My neck hurts, my sinuses are not behaving themselves, and I just would like to find myself a nice mountain that I can go and be a hermit on. Bugger the masters!

Uh, help?

So, it turns out that I'm pretty useless at social etiquette (who would'a known??). This past week, I went to a wedding - KCB's mates were getting married. Now, not I didn't know the bride and groom from a bar of soap...

Typically, when I have no idea what to do, I froze with a (probably awkward) grin on my face (and may have mumbled a congratulations, but I cant be sure in the panic of the moment), after the ceremony... How awkward. What on earth is one supposed to do??? Most other people were congratulating the couple... Does the same apply to a complete stranger?? AAAARG!