New resolution

Things seem to be going badly for me in all sectors of my life. I can't just give up - that just isn't me.

I heard this song on the radio the other day, and thought that it fits me pretty well (especially now). I know the lyrics are about dating, but the chorus is the important bit. Its by Aaliyah - the song is entitled "Try again". Just so I can come back and read the lyrics often, here they are (only the first two verses - the rest either doesn't apply or is a repeat of the chorus).

What would you do?
To get to me
What would you say?
To have your way
Would you give up?
Or try again
If I hesitated
To let you in
Now would you be yourself
Or play your role
Tell all the boys
I keep you low
If I saw no
Would you turn away?
Or play me off
Or would you stay, oh, oh

And if at first you don"t succeed
Then dust yourself off and try again
You can dust it off and try again, try again
Cause if at first you don"t succeed
You can dust it off and try again
Dust yourself off and try again, try again (and again)

In case you would like to hear the song, it is here.

Tough as old boots but maybe easier to swallow...

So, Friday was a bad day, to put it mildly. Since writing about stuff helps me to let go, here goes.

I half wonder about my ability to be a scientist, and all that happened on Friday (see here) made that self-doubt ten times worse. I wonder if I will have the ability and staying power to finish this degree, and if I do, I wonder about my suitability as a PhD candidate (I still don't know what I will do after I finish my master's). If I go out and work, what will I do? Will I be able to do it?

Yes, yes, One Bad Day has done all of this to me. I'm not used to doubting myself, especially when it comes to things that generally, I'm pretty good at. Maybe it is the whole lab-work thing (I know that I can do field work, although I'm not sure how I would cope if I had to do field-work like Helen's*). Maybe it was just a whole combination of stressful things that, combined, made me just plain miserable (come on, who loses their temper at a machine?).

The one thing that I know, and that I'm proud of: I will stick with this project, even through horrible Friday moments, I will finish it, and be proud of the work that I've done. This is me, and even if I cry about my project many times, I will do it.

Yes. That sounds horribly like one of those "team talk" moments from the movies, where one guy (or girl) will stand up and give a moving speach to his/her team members, and they go out and win. I may not win, but at least I will try. My hardest.

*Helen is my hero - 3 months in the field, with only lizards to talk to? That really takes guts.