SCORE! I didn't die!

One of my aims that I put up on Friday was "to not die". At least until next week.

The reason that I suspected that I might die was that I was going rock climbing for the first time. I'm a co-ord. I generally forget my left and my right, and most times don't know how to co-ordinate movements when using both arms and legs... The good news: I didn't suck as badly as I thought I would. More good news: I really enjoyed it! The bad news: I have random bruises in random places (for example: I bruised the palm of my hand).

Sunday: I was helping out at the Wanderers race (incidentally, a huge success), and was put down to help at the Bokomo tent.... On Saturday night, I was seriously regretting offering to help. But I had offered, and thus, I would go. So off I went at 6am. I nearly killed myself laughing - I spent the first hour making fruit look pretty, building banana towers and putting out milk... Then came telling people that they didn't have to buy breakfast - they could help themselves! I think it was a bit of an advert for Pronutro - they pretty much had Pronutro, rusks, milk (to have with the pronutro) and fruit. My duties were then to help keep the tent tidy (ie, put out more milk, throw away bowls etc.). There was this crazy old guy who scared me a little (he was a runner) - when he saw the tent he had a wise crack about Bokomo: " Dis bokmis en Omo". Then he tried to chat me up afterwards when he saw I was helping at the tent. Crazy. Yuck. And: How can people eat half an hour before a race?? I felt so queasy just thinking about it...

After the race started, we packed up the breakfast tent, I had a long chat with a person who used to go to run/walk for life with. She has downs syndrome, and quite often would forget my name, who my family was (all of us were regulars there and knew her rather well). I saw, her, said Hi, and she responded by saying "Hi, megan"! How cool??? I was so impressed - she remembered my brother and parents too. I think that was the best part about the race. The only thing was that she wanted to chat about her brothers and their wives and what they did, and I needed to go and see if the race organisers needed any more help.

It turned out they did, and I spent the rest of the morning (till about 10.30 when they ran out) pouring coke (they ran out of water too) into small paper cups. I don't do coke at the best of times, and having to open so many bottles gave me blisters over blisters. Eventually I was handing the bottles to runners, asking them to open the bottles, and then continuing pouring.

I left after we ran out of coke - I wasn't going to deal with angry runners, and went home to an ethics application. Fun times.

Later on Sunday night, I went to church for the first time in a very long time (see here for why). It was so cool. I didn't need to be anyone. It was basically me and God having a moment during the worship, which was totally cool. No-one around me bothered me; for some reason, the worship didn't seem pretentious, and I found myself being more honest with God than I have been (also in a very long time). So I will go back, and then see how it goes - if I fit, I will stay. If I don't, I won't. But it is a very big step for me. Yay!

In the spirit of TMI Thursday

Warning: Do not eat while reading this! Or read this after eating! Or eat after reading this!

Last night, as I was preparing my supper-for-one (which, incidentally was a toasted egg, salami and cheese sandwich), the cats that I am cat sitting were eating their food. I flipped my egg, and one of the cats started vomiting. Right there, in the kitchen. Almost in the food bowl, and half in the water bowl. So of course I can't continue making my sandwich with the vomit about 30cm away from me. So I start to clean it up, which involves many trips outside, trying not to think about it, smell it or even see it...

Only to discover that the cat has chucked again. This time in the passage. And my sandwich was still sitting, waiting to be toasted. But I toiled away, cleaning up the vomit. Then I switched the snackwich maker back on, and put my sandwich in. The egg broke while I was doing this. Why does oozy egg always make me feel queasy? Anyway. I had to leave to door open to get rid of the smell of vomit and it made the house rather cold, but by the time my sandwich was toasted, it had gone and the floor was dry.

The thing that made me pathetically grateful: The fact that the other cat didn't sympathetically vomit while I was eating...

Sunshine and happiness

This is a sunset, but hey, it still involves the sun. And its pretty!

But I actually wanted to talk about sunrise and the merits of getting up early. Lately, I have been sleeping in at every opportunity I get - the joys of working hard and stress, I suppose. But today, in an effort to beat traffic from the place I'm housesitting at, I got up super super early and left the house about 45 mins before the sun rose. As I got into my (albeit cold) car, the horizon was just light enough to see. Although there was still traffic, it flowed fast, and barely made any impact on my travel time. It was just so nice to be out (well, in my car out) with the sun coming up. It was super pretty.

The thing I like the most: I don't feel Űber grumpy! I know I will crash sometime this afternoon (hopefully not too early), but I feel rather uplifted right now. Which really helps, since this morning, I have to TA a lab...

Now here's something to be happy about: Its my last TA duty for the year!!!! YAY!

On religion

I've been wanting to write about this subject for quite some time now, but never got around to it. I have a lot to say, and not too much time, so I figured that I would start, then carry on when I have it on my mind next.

I'm a Christian. I used to go to church regularly, I even went to cell group, and was a youth leader at one point. I've organised a youth camp, a prayer weekend and been involved in numerous other activities. I was very happy at my church, until the cell group that I was involved in disintegrated. I still would go to church, but things were changing there, and I was also changing - I suppose you could say that I was broadening my horizons. For the first time, a significant proportion of my friends were not regular church-goers (if christian at all), and it really opened my eyes as to what a lot of other people as Christians.

In my honours year, I got busy with the huge amount of work that had to be done. I started getting hugely frustrated with the people at church - many of them seemed to only associate with other Christians, and seemed to look down on those who were not. Apart from that, I stopped enjoying the service that I regularly went to: The worship was getting more and more showy and pretentious, and I was hating it more every time I went.

So I simply stopped going. Now every time I see people from that particular church, I feel terribly judged! Maybe I'm just being oversensitive, but I really do feel that way.

So: The point of the post is this: Just because I'm not currently attending a church, doesn't make me a "heathen". I may not be growing in Christ, but I still believe in God, and Jesus, and the fact that I'm saved through his grace. That hasn't changed, even though I haven't attended a church regularly for over a year.

Another thing: I do actually want to look for another church, but I know that I can't commit to attending every week. The fact that it is rather hard to walk in to a place where you hardly know anyone makes a huge difference to me too - more stress is not what I need right now, and that is another off-putting factor at the moment!

Also, at times I rather like my angry music - it helps me get through the marking/data entry/ other mundane tasks. I also drink alcohol (I have a particular fondness for good red wine). But I don't think that this makes me a bad person... Or maybe I'm wrong! But somehow, I don't think so... Anyway, time to end this rant.

Tough as old boots but maybe easier to swallow...

So, Friday was a bad day, to put it mildly. Since writing about stuff helps me to let go, here goes.

I half wonder about my ability to be a scientist, and all that happened on Friday (see here) made that self-doubt ten times worse. I wonder if I will have the ability and staying power to finish this degree, and if I do, I wonder about my suitability as a PhD candidate (I still don't know what I will do after I finish my master's). If I go out and work, what will I do? Will I be able to do it?

Yes, yes, One Bad Day has done all of this to me. I'm not used to doubting myself, especially when it comes to things that generally, I'm pretty good at. Maybe it is the whole lab-work thing (I know that I can do field work, although I'm not sure how I would cope if I had to do field-work like Helen's*). Maybe it was just a whole combination of stressful things that, combined, made me just plain miserable (come on, who loses their temper at a machine?).

The one thing that I know, and that I'm proud of: I will stick with this project, even through horrible Friday moments, I will finish it, and be proud of the work that I've done. This is me, and even if I cry about my project many times, I will do it.

Yes. That sounds horribly like one of those "team talk" moments from the movies, where one guy (or girl) will stand up and give a moving speach to his/her team members, and they go out and win. I may not win, but at least I will try. My hardest.

*Helen is my hero - 3 months in the field, with only lizards to talk to? That really takes guts.

Its just not my day...

In fact, this week has been just plain awful. Today, however, is the worst. Nothing is going smoothly, and it is a battle just to get simple things done. For instance, one of the dvd recorder machines that I'm using was working perfectly well. Suddenly, it switched itself to black and white mode. I fought with the stupid F%&*#@$ thing for approximately half an hour. then gave up, only to find that, 15 minutes later, it was working fine again. Then a mouse escaped. Then a lamp blew up. So I couldn't even do 4 recordings!

And I'm housesitting, so everything seems worse. Luckily I have dinner...

YOU! yes... you.... STOP LITTERING!

*begin rant*

Don't you hate it when people just drop a piece of paper or wrapper and walk off? Ok, maybe sometimes it is unintentional, but a lot of the time, people will just drop their rubbish, even if they walked past a dustbin 30sec ago. WHY??? Why is it so hard to carry your rubbish with you until you get to a dustbin? Do people think that the unsightly wrappers, bottles, pens and plastic that they are discarding degrades? Or do they expect someone else to pick it up?

Especially in the younger generation (wow, I feel old right now), there seems to be a prevailing attitude of entitlement. For example: "It is my right to eat/drink/go on Mxit in class". They also have the right to be there, in the class, so you cant kick them out. But aren't these people taking away the rights of others by doing these things? In the same way, because people litter, more people have to do the horrible job of picking up the mess made by others. Is this fair? (yes, its a rhetorical question).

Down with self-centeredness! I think that if more people looked at the world around them and realised how it affects them anyway, they might start to care a little more. Maybe if they cared more, they would change their behaviour.

*end rant*