Sunday, August 23, 2009

Tough as old boots but maybe easier to swallow...

So, Friday was a bad day, to put it mildly. Since writing about stuff helps me to let go, here goes.

I half wonder about my ability to be a scientist, and all that happened on Friday (see here) made that self-doubt ten times worse. I wonder if I will have the ability and staying power to finish this degree, and if I do, I wonder about my suitability as a PhD candidate (I still don't know what I will do after I finish my master's). If I go out and work, what will I do? Will I be able to do it?

Yes, yes, One Bad Day has done all of this to me. I'm not used to doubting myself, especially when it comes to things that generally, I'm pretty good at. Maybe it is the whole lab-work thing (I know that I can do field work, although I'm not sure how I would cope if I had to do field-work like Helen's*). Maybe it was just a whole combination of stressful things that, combined, made me just plain miserable (come on, who loses their temper at a machine?).

The one thing that I know, and that I'm proud of: I will stick with this project, even through horrible Friday moments, I will finish it, and be proud of the work that I've done. This is me, and even if I cry about my project many times, I will do it.

Yes. That sounds horribly like one of those "team talk" moments from the movies, where one guy (or girl) will stand up and give a moving speach to his/her team members, and they go out and win. I may not win, but at least I will try. My hardest.

*Helen is my hero - 3 months in the field, with only lizards to talk to? That really takes guts.

1 comment:

Helen said...

I'm your hero? awwww.... you're so sweet!