I've been wanting to write about this subject for quite some time now, but never got around to it. I have a lot to say, and not too much time, so I figured that I would start, then carry on when I have it on my mind next.
I'm a Christian. I used to go to church regularly, I even went to cell group, and was a youth leader at one point. I've organised a youth camp, a prayer weekend and been involved in numerous other activities. I was very happy at my church, until the cell group that I was involved in disintegrated. I still would go to church, but things were changing there, and I was also changing - I suppose you could say that I was broadening my horizons. For the first time, a significant proportion of my friends were not regular church-goers (if christian at all), and it really opened my eyes as to what a lot of other people as Christians.
In my honours year, I got busy with the huge amount of work that had to be done. I started getting hugely frustrated with the people at church - many of them seemed to only associate with other Christians, and seemed to look down on those who were not. Apart from that, I stopped enjoying the service that I regularly went to: The worship was getting more and more showy and pretentious, and I was hating it more every time I went.
So I simply stopped going. Now every time I see people from that particular church, I feel terribly judged! Maybe I'm just being oversensitive, but I really do feel that way.
So: The point of the post is this: Just because I'm not currently attending a church, doesn't make me a "heathen". I may not be growing in Christ, but I still believe in God, and Jesus, and the fact that I'm saved through his grace. That hasn't changed, even though I haven't attended a church regularly for over a year.
Another thing: I do actually want to look for another church, but I know that I can't commit to attending every week. The fact that it is rather hard to walk in to a place where you hardly know anyone makes a huge difference to me too - more stress is not what I need right now, and that is another off-putting factor at the moment!
Also, at times I rather like my angry music - it helps me get through the marking/data entry/ other mundane tasks. I also drink alcohol (I have a particular fondness for good red wine). But I don't think that this makes me a bad person... Or maybe I'm wrong! But somehow, I don't think so... Anyway, time to end this rant.